What's In a Name...

My name is not a popular one, Cicely. I couldn't find it at souvenir shops, there wasn't a license plate or pencils I could access easily like a Elizabeth or Ashley. I was a little disheartened yet I got over it. I did not like my name for the longest. Many people made fun of it, called me Cielly(The Color Purple) and said it sounded like a slave name. I just brushed it off. 

I had just started high school and was like I can be anybody I wanted to be. I decided to go by my middle name, Renee. My classmates and teammates all called me Renee. One game night, one of my teammates went up to my mom and said, "You are Renee's mom" My mom said "who?" The whole year I went back and forth and couldn't make the name Renee stick. I remember the last day of school this handsome sophomore or junior named Quincy (Rest in Peace) asked me my name and I said "Cicely" He looked at me and said, "That is such a beautiful name" I will never forget that and ever since I loved my name. A lot of people really liked my name as well. 

I knew that my name meant "Blind" and I was so confused. I was like what does that mean. My mom always called me "SweCely" and every time she says that she asks me do you know what that means? I would breath heavily and say yes mom, Sweet Cicely. She always said I was a sweet girl. I did more research on my name and found that there is also a plant called Sweet Cicely. 

Sweet Cicely is an attractive plant that is a striking component of herb gardens and hedgerows. 
This early flowering perennial is renowned for its aniseed taste and fragrance. Growing to a height of 90cm, umbels of tiny white flowers appear from spring to early summer. The fern-like leaves are deeply divided and smell of aniseed when crushed. 

Sweet Cicely was formerly a widely cultivated culinary herb, but now only occasionally grown in the herb garden. As a culinary herb it is a valuable sweetener, especially for diabetics and for the many people who are trying to reduce their sugar intake. Used in many savory as well as sweet dishes, it gives a delightful flavour and helps to save almost half the sugar needed. 

I thought that was so cool because my mom did not know about that plant. I firmly believe that what you call someone they will be. Even what you call yourself. I become disheartened when people name their children names that have no meaning. It is like sending them out into the wild. 

In Genesis 35:18 Rachel was having a hard time with her birth, Rachel was about to die, but with her last breath she named the baby Ben-oni (which means "son of my sorrow"). The baby's father, however, called him Benjamin (which means "son of my right hand"). Now imagine the life if the child's name was Ben-oni. He would most likely walk around sorrowfully. May not be entirely true. 

Look at Judges 13:24 Samson, And the woman bare a son, and called his name Samson: and the child grew, and the LORD blessed him. What does Samson mean? "Like the sun; strong"  and yes, he was indeed strong. 

I found out more of my name yesterday as a close friend sent me a message that inspired me greatly and this is my response, this blog. :)

She sent me this:
English Meaning: The name Cicely is an English baby name. In English the meaning of the name Cicely is: A feminine form of Cecil, derived from the Roman clan name Caecilius, which is based on the Latin 'coccus' meaning 'blind'. "Guide for the Blind"

Soul Urge Number: 5
People with this name have a deep inner desire for travel and adventure, and want to set their own pace in life without being governed by tradition.

Expression Number: 3 
People with this name tend to be creative and excellent at expressing themselves. They are drawn to the arts, and often enjoy life immensely. They are often the center of attention, and enjoy careers that put them in the limelight. They tend to become involved in many different activities, and are sometimes reckless with both their energies and with money.

It was all so real! I got really excited when there was more explaining what BLIND meant. A guide for the blind.... I thought that was deep. I am an educator and love to teach and guide people with resources and knowledge. That is funny because that is what all my jobs were a guide. On all my resumes my objective was: Seeking full time position providing education, resources and opportunities. Aint that something.

My Soul Urge number and Expression number is right on point. I express myself through writing. Love the arts. Love to travel and take adventures. I was so blessed to have read this and I thank Grace for sending me this with much encouragement.

I love to write. A couple of weeks ago a Prophet (Whom I have never met) prophesied over my life saying I am supposed to be writing, Writing children's books, plays and more. That was so on point as well because for a while I was like I really want to start writing children's books. So get ready! I renamed my blog CicelyRenee because I really embody that name bt also know I am much more than just my name. God has put in me purpose and whatever He calls me, I am that.

So my question to you is:

What does your name mean?

What are people calling you? What do you call yourself?

Peace and Blessings,

CicelyRenee

I was doing LOVE so wrong

Love is one of my favorite things to do, I love to give love, I loved to receive it, I loved to do it. And then I saw this scripture and realized I was doing it all wrong. I read it over and over thinking yes I am good! I am patient, I am kind, etc... yet I read it again and I really wasn't doing it right. I can be patient sometimes when I know the end is going to be great and I know all about what I will get. Yes, I am kind to those who are kind to me... I ignored those who had done me wrong.

Envy, I slowly crept into an envious state as I got older and was not getting what I wanted but everyone else was... there goes that patience out the window. Love does not boast, I can say this, being honest, I don't boast in public... Sometimes I do think I am better than others and I struggle with that because I do not want to be that way. I cannot stand when people do that and I definitely do not truly think highly of myself. Love does not dishonor others... this I played and twisted it... I did not dishonor yet I did not give honor to whom it was due either. That's that envious spirit creeping in.

It does not keep a record of wrongdoing... this right here is what got me. I remember everything, all the hurt, all the actions, all the facial expressions and when that pops in my head I go down a path and refuse to give my love like I am supposed to. This is my biggest struggle right here in relationships, work places and more. I literally get a scar from that burn weeks ago even so many years ago. Every time I glance at it I feel the pain and put up a block to restrict the love.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. But who's truth... my truth is what I was following. It wasn't too far from the bible but you know how people like to bend the truth to make it fit them? Yes that is what I was doing.

It always PROTECTS, TRUSTS, HOPES, PERSEVERES, that is how I wanted to receive the love but I wasn't giving it. I was selfish and only wanted what others could give me with my distorted view of what love really was.

I am so glad God is not like us because His love never fails.

As I get older and mentally and emotionally prepared to enter this next pivotal time in life (hitting the big 30) I definitely want to start doing life differently and more effectively. I want to do love so much better. I want to be better than my past.

We all can do a little bit better everyday.

Time to start doing this right!

God Bless,
Cicely Renee

Hemp Seed Oil- Could it change my fibroids naturally?

After an interaction with an older woman at work she told me she had a dream about me and that God spoke to her saying Hemp Seed oil for fibroids. She said she did not know exactly how it works but to google it. I googled these words: "Hemp oil fibroids" and found this video.

I kept on researching and reading comments. So I ran and got some. I have taken it for a month now swallowing 2 tbsp with herbal tea. She used green tea and I read that green tea is not the best for women trying to get pregnant. This is because both green and black tea decrease the body’s ability to absorb folic acid, a very important B-vitamin crucial to a baby’s development in the beginning stages of pregnancy. - See more here.  

I have also found that I really like the hemp seeds and I eat that. I put it in my shakes/smoothies and soy yogurt. 

I have noticed changes in my monthly flow. Because of my fibroids I would be extremely heavy for 3-4 days and 2 light days. Now it has been 2 heavy days and 2 light days. Which is so awesome for me.

I recently went to the doctor May 7 and they did an ultrasound where they measured my firboids. I had five of them ranging from 4.1-5.2 cm which are pretty large. Also, my uterus is enlarged due to the fibroids. They said I am the size of a 15 week pregnant woman. I GET TIRED OF PEOPLE LOOKING AND POINTING :) Its all good though.

So I will keep you posted on the progress of this. 

A Poem for All Mothers

My favorite animal is an elephant. Something about them drew me to them. I remember in high school and middle school I would find little elephant figurines and my one favorite one was the one that had a baby inside.

I did a little research and found out that mother Elephants are amazing in caring for children. Their pregnancy lasts for 22 months. They deliver one of the largest animals weighing about 250 pounds. When the elephant is born it is completely blind dependent on the mother for everything. Another fact amazed me… Elephants have a great support system. They have many many babysitters. This group of elephants are called “Allmothers” reminds me a bit about our society and how we women have that innate trait to care and help others out. We love to nurture. They protected the child when the mother had to go and eat as much as she could to make milk for the baby.

This poem is for the All mothers…. 
Thank you! 

As a child I looked around and there were so many women around and they all loved me and they all whooped me. This is for all of them… the mother figures in our lives the ones with and without children of their own but loving and caring for them just the same.

These words I speak are filled with gratitude of the multitude of people just like me. We just want to thank you.

All mother, you are the aunties, the ones that never had children of your own. Your embrace was a fun one. You were the one that let us try things that of course our mother would sigh about. You spoiled us, your love was different for us. Thank you

All mothers, you are the woman that stepped into the motherly role when we left home that spiritual mother, when we joined a new church out of state. You are a God send. You were the one that gracefully claimed us as your own. You invite us to family functions and help relieve the sadness of the absence of our real mother. You spoke to us as your own and we respected and loved you for that. Thank you.

All mothers, you are that older sister and the cousin, our first best friend. I told you everything and you told my mother but would forget I was mad at you in an hour and back to the bond that just grew and grew. Thank you.

All mothers, you are that sister friend the one that knew right from wrong and kept it real with us. Your presence we looked up to. The one that made sure we were in line. Your words of wisdom and your actions a woman of integrity and honor. You made us think twice about what we were going to do. Thank you

All mothers, you are the God mother, my mom’s good friend. She spoke highly of you, was in awe of you and knew I would be protected, cared for and loved by you. Gentle and meek your spirit is truly the essence of a proverbs woman. Words spoken out of love. Thank you.

All mothers, you are the Grandmother, the most grand of them all. Mean too very strict. You chastised us when we did wrong. You kept us in place, comforted by your warm embrace. Thank you.

All mothers, you are the adoptive mother and the step mother and the mother in love. An adjustment to get used to and what a journey we have. You accepted me and wanted me enough to play such a strong important role in our lives. Thank you.

All mothers, you are the birth mom who carried this living and growing child. You sacrificed so much for us your children. You went away and worked so hard to feed us. You learned as much as you could along the way. Caring for your child looking in our eyes and seeing a part of you as you held us in your arms. Sweet comforting words soothed our souls. Along with those long conversations that helped shape us. Thank you.

This is for the All mothers the bond only women know of. Blood maybe absent but we feel you just the same as you stepped into the role of caregivers, the nurturers so compassionate and caring.

Many People but One Body Pt. 2

Romans 12:3-5
3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. 4 Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

Think about the family tree and how the blood from your great, great, great ancestors runs through your veins. Think about the sister or brother that looks nothing like the parents or siblings but looks like an auntie or a grandparent. Think about how people and parents influence their children and how they become them or end up being nothing like them but more like someone else in the family. Think about an elementary school teacher of yours made a huge impact on you and how you are as a person and because of them you give a piece of that teacher unknowingly to someone else. We are all connected in some sort of way blood or not.

When I think about this I think about the church. The believers, the thirsty and the leaders in the church some how all the time someone is influencing others whether they know it or not. I sing on the praise team so I am on stage and I can see the people and how they look at me and others in the congregation. I see children with locked eyes on the teens and the adults in the church and they process what they see and they develop a belief of that person.

I have heard and talked with many people who are just stifled by the leaders in the church. They cannot take them seriously because they do not practice what they preach. When I was younger there was a minister that was sleeping around with so many women and they knew about it... well if I knew about it they had to have known. But anyways I look at it like what you do DOES affect me and others around you! Leader's of the church preaching and teaching on what they do not live in the home. Laying hands on the sick yet they are sick them selves. I understand that God uses people that are broken and cracked... My thing is when they are "CALLED" then that is when they are supposed to make thoughtful and wise decisions to live a blameless life.

1 Corinthians 10:31-33
31 So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 32 Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God- 33 even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.

What is happening is that many of these leaders in the church are causing the sick to fall and it is because what they are doing is infecting the people. People's spirits are contagious. So many are wolves in sheep's clothing. This world is falling because they are "Bending" what they believe and are not standing firm and living their lives in the way of their beliefs.

Let's go back to the "called", how do a lot of these leaders become leaders? Is it based on time they have been involved, filling in the gaps, book smart, street smart? Just because someone has a testimony does not mean they are called to teach or preach or usher, or whatever. Just because someone read a chapter of the bible and can eloquently decipher and expound on what it means does not mean they are living it... So who is doing the calling?

Let me ask you this! Would you want someone who just WATCHES ER and whatever hospital show to perform surgery on you? Would you want someone who only knows how to DRIVE a car fix your car?NO I hope is what you answered... but we allow it in the churches.  PARENTS.... I know you hate getting advice on how to raise your kids from someone who has NONE... and Relationship advice... who wants that when you have been divorced 4 times? The only advice I will take from you is what NOT to do...

The leaders are corrupt and infecting believers and those that are thirsty....

My only advice which I think is the BEST Advice is to have that personal relationship with God not religion not traditions but with GOD... He will pull the veil off of people, He will filter what is being said to you. Then you can POSITIVELY affect others because know that they are WATCHING and HEARING YOU.. They will see you for who you are, what you are not, what you were and why you do what you do.

How are you infecting others and with what?

Many People but One Body... Pt 1

You are unique and an individual. There is no one like you and nobody can do what you do best but you! You provide something that people need, you offer something to the bigger picture that will build it up or tear it down. Although only one you, you are a piece of the puzzle that makes it complete. With out you, you leave room for discomfort, discouragement, confusion, and it's unfinished. Romans 12:3-5 3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. 4 Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We all have a specific and broad function in the many areas of our lives, in our families, work, church, school, etc... if one part is not functioning then two things are going to happen: 1) Others around you will be affected and they will have to carry your weight which will be difficult because they do not have those "assigned" roles that you specifically had 2) If we are not bearing fruit we will be cut off.Matthew 7:18-20 8"A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit.19"Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20"So then, you will know them by their fruits.… Take a look at your fruit is it bearing good or b

What we do truly affects others I have heard many people say, "What I do should not affect you" which is totally wrong. You do may not stop me because of my determination but there are things you do and words you say have an impact on not only someone directly but others indirectly as well. There is this philosophy that I truly am connected to, it is called Ubuntu "I am what I am because of who we all are." (From a definition offered by Liberian peace activist Leymah Gbowee.) Archbishop Desmond Tutu offered a definition in a 1999 book:[8] A person with Ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good, based from a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that he or she belongs in a greater whole and is diminished when others are humiliated or diminished, when others are tortured or oppressed. Tutu further explained Ubuntu in 2008:[9] One of the sayings in our country is Ubuntu – the essence of being human. Ubuntu speaks particularly about the fact that you can't exist as a human being in isolation. It speaks about our interconnectedness. You can't be human all by yourself, and when you have this quality – Ubuntu – you are known for your generosity. We think of ourselves far too frequently as just individuals, separated from one another, whereas you are connected and what you do affects the whole World. When you do well, it spreads out; it is for the whole of humanity. (Wikipedia) I seriously believe that we are all connected. What I do today will affect someone 10 years from now! What are you doing that is effecting the people around you, especially the ones you love? What are others around you doing that cause you to have to shift for good or for bad? Stay tuned for part 2!

What is Your Net Worth?

So I love to read but what is funny is that I have a hard time reading from cover to cover... I was a professional student for a long time and have graduated but in my education, I taught and conditioned myself to skim and get the parts that I needed out. So I still struggle with that! BUT ANYWAYS... I am currently reading T.D. Jakes "He-Motions" I got it for my husband but began reading it myself. But it is good for men and women who love the men in their lives. So in my skimming I came across a set of questions that sparked my interest. I think it is because I am working on myself these days. Finding out who I am in this stage of life. I feel like I kinda lost myself the past year and looking to gain perspective and "DO ME" lol. Many women tend to lose their selves when they first get married, I can only speak for myself right now but I was so consumed on being that "WIFE" doing everything the Bible says a wife needs to be. Trying to make a happy home but in reality what was going on was I was in crisis mode and crisis can be defined as a point in your life where things just change drastically. This does not have to be in a negative sense. I had a huge moment of crisis where things were changing all at once. I moved back to Minneapolis, starting and finishing graduate school, changing churches, getting married, moving out of my moms care, and more. It was a very emotional time for me. Especially the changing of churches and getting married. I grew up in my church and my family grew up in their too. Marriage, well I have never been married before and did not have that model two parent household so I did not know what it was like to live with a man. So I went into SURVIVAL MODE I was lost and trying to make things perfect but it WAS NOT.... So my current situation is to thrive rather than survive and doing that means getting back to the basics finding who I am at this stage in life. Know that every 3-5 years you are changing because life happens and if you do not keep up you will stay in survival mode and there is no growth in that.

Thinking about our net worth reminds me of a few scriptures: Romans 12:6 We have different gifts based on the grace that was given to us. So if your gift is prophecy, use your gift in proportion to your faith. And then the Parable of the Talents Matt 25:13-30 13 “Therefore stay alert, because you do not know the day or the hour. 14 For it is like a man going on a journey, who summoned his slaves and entrusted his property to them. 15 To one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one, each according to his ability.  And then again in Luke 19:11-27... We are significant and worth so much but God is not going to give us more if we are not faithful over little Matt 25:21. Think about your current situation, now think about 5 years ago. Can you see increase? Is your net worth increasing? Maybe you are stuck right now, like me trying to figure out who you are at this stage in life. The list of questions in HE-Motions were: How do you behave when you are alone? Often, what you spend your money on is a direct reflection of where your values are placed. What do your spending habits say about your values? How much do you enjoy your own company? What do you enjoy most about being alone with yourself? Whats the hardest part of being alone with yourself? How have you handled being alone in the past? Can you write a letter or have a conversation and tell who you are without telling what you do?  Do you have a fair and objective sense of the intimacies of your character? He goes on to say that get to know yourself better requires a personal audit, comparison of your assets to liabilities to determine your net character worth. I want to make sure that my life is increasing according to what God wants in my life and how HE wants to use me. I have to make sure my goals and aspirations align with the will of God and I know my life will be blessed more than I can measure.

I pray increase in your life, I pray that everything you touch prospers. I pray that you will be used for the building of the kingdom of God. I pray that God increases in your life and you decrease.

Peace and Blessings,
Cicely