Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Thrive After Divorce: Officially Divorced!

It was Dec. 9, 2014 when I told my aunt, "I think my marriage is over" which was a few weeks before he admitted that he wanted a divorce. I remember going to the movies with a friend about a week after and saw my pastor and first lady and they asked where he was and I was like, "It's over" It isn't like I wanted it to be over but deep down I knew we have exhausted this relationship.

The year leading up to the grand finale, I had seven dreams and knew it was warning before destruction. I knew something big was happening and I did not know what at that time. I could see through those dreams, our hearts for the marriage. I had a sense of peace as the next few months, prior to "THE END" I was so comforted by God.

The official divorce decree was Feb. 9, 2015. But it has been 3 months from that first day of realization. It was so weird because I had been with the same man for almost 4 years and just like that it was over. There was a lot of counseling sessions and conversations between us. Like all marriages we had our share of problems not the end of the world type problems but they were there.

My divorce was not really broadcasted. I did not tell "FACEBOOK" until this week so no one really knew unless they talked with me often. You know how it isn't official unless it is on on the Book.. ha ha ha..

I had been visiting my family church where I grew up and I did not want to attend because I knew there were going to be many questions. I sat next to this lady one day and she asked to see a picture of my "Husband" and I do not think she heard me say we are in the process of getting a divorce. I showed her anyways. Then I made it more clear that we were getting divorced and she said, "Oh don't do that!" with a frown. I was a little offended because I am like you barely know me and you don't know what I have been through. I just smiled and said, "Yea, it's happening" and put my eyes back on the preacher.

Other people at the church was like, "when are we going to meet your husband?" I think in my head, we have been married 2.5 years if you haven't seen/met him yet then that might be a sign. I laugh and let them know, oooo it did not work out!

What is funny is the different responses between black church folk and white people. The white people are all congratulating me! I am like huuuhhhh ok... But it wasn't like that for everyone! But God put a group of wonderful people that has been nothing but healing for my heart.

Another thing that had been healing, I did this thing called WRITE IT DOWN, MAKE IT HAPPEN and I created a list for 2015 of things I want to do. Here are a couple:

  1. Attend 5 NON CHURCH related events- I have been to the Ice Castles in Eden Prairie, I went to a play, and other things.
  2. Go out of Town 3 times- I went to Nashville which was the best thing ever! It had an ice storm however and the town pretty much shut down but had the best time. 
  3. Spend MORE time with my family- I can say that when I did get in my marriage I got "BUSY" with my marriage, church and work. But before then we always hung out. So I have been hanging with my cousins and aunties. It has been great! Looking forward to all of our adventures to come. 
I am excited to check off a lot off my list as I explore life through a different lense.

A quote that helped me, "I am NOT divorced, divorced is an event, I am SINGLE" I have always had a little thing with the word. It sounds like a bad word. So yes, I went through a divorce and it is ok. 

Well stay tuned for more!