Thursday, May 29, 2014

What's In a Name...

My name is not a popular one, Cicely. I couldn't find it at souvenir shops, there wasn't a license plate or pencils I could access easily like a Elizabeth or Ashley. I was a little disheartened yet I got over it. I did not like my name for the longest. Many people made fun of it, called me Cielly(The Color Purple) and said it sounded like a slave name. I just brushed it off. 

I had just started high school and was like I can be anybody I wanted to be. I decided to go by my middle name, Renee. My classmates and teammates all called me Renee. One game night, one of my teammates went up to my mom and said, "You are Renee's mom" My mom said "who?" The whole year I went back and forth and couldn't make the name Renee stick. I remember the last day of school this handsome sophomore or junior named Quincy (Rest in Peace) asked me my name and I said "Cicely" He looked at me and said, "That is such a beautiful name" I will never forget that and ever since I loved my name. A lot of people really liked my name as well. 

I knew that my name meant "Blind" and I was so confused. I was like what does that mean. My mom always called me "SweCely" and every time she says that she asks me do you know what that means? I would breath heavily and say yes mom, Sweet Cicely. She always said I was a sweet girl. I did more research on my name and found that there is also a plant called Sweet Cicely. 

Sweet Cicely is an attractive plant that is a striking component of herb gardens and hedgerows. 
This early flowering perennial is renowned for its aniseed taste and fragrance. Growing to a height of 90cm, umbels of tiny white flowers appear from spring to early summer. The fern-like leaves are deeply divided and smell of aniseed when crushed. 

Sweet Cicely was formerly a widely cultivated culinary herb, but now only occasionally grown in the herb garden. As a culinary herb it is a valuable sweetener, especially for diabetics and for the many people who are trying to reduce their sugar intake. Used in many savory as well as sweet dishes, it gives a delightful flavour and helps to save almost half the sugar needed. 

I thought that was so cool because my mom did not know about that plant. I firmly believe that what you call someone they will be. Even what you call yourself. I become disheartened when people name their children names that have no meaning. It is like sending them out into the wild. 

In Genesis 35:18 Rachel was having a hard time with her birth, Rachel was about to die, but with her last breath she named the baby Ben-oni (which means "son of my sorrow"). The baby's father, however, called him Benjamin (which means "son of my right hand"). Now imagine the life if the child's name was Ben-oni. He would most likely walk around sorrowfully. May not be entirely true. 

Look at Judges 13:24 Samson, And the woman bare a son, and called his name Samson: and the child grew, and the LORD blessed him. What does Samson mean? "Like the sun; strong"  and yes, he was indeed strong. 

I found out more of my name yesterday as a close friend sent me a message that inspired me greatly and this is my response, this blog. :)

She sent me this:
English Meaning: The name Cicely is an English baby name. In English the meaning of the name Cicely is: A feminine form of Cecil, derived from the Roman clan name Caecilius, which is based on the Latin 'coccus' meaning 'blind'. "Guide for the Blind"

Soul Urge Number: 5
People with this name have a deep inner desire for travel and adventure, and want to set their own pace in life without being governed by tradition.

Expression Number: 3 
People with this name tend to be creative and excellent at expressing themselves. They are drawn to the arts, and often enjoy life immensely. They are often the center of attention, and enjoy careers that put them in the limelight. They tend to become involved in many different activities, and are sometimes reckless with both their energies and with money.
It was all so real! I got really excited when there was more explaining what BLIND meant. A guide for the blind.... I thought that was deep. I am an educator and love to teach and guide people with resources and knowledge. That is funny because that is what all my jobs were a guide. On all my resumes my objective was: Seeking full time position providing education, resources and opportunities. Aint that something.
My Soul Urge number and Expression number is right on point. I express myself through writing. Love the arts. Love to travel and take adventures. I was so blessed to have read this and I thank Grace for sending me this with much encouragement.
I love to write. A couple of weeks ago a Prophet (Whom I have never met) prophesied over my life saying I am supposed to be writing, Writing children's books, plays and more. That was so on point as well because for a while I was like I really want to start writing children's books. So get ready! I renamed my blog CicelyRenee because I really embody that name bt also know I am much more than just my name. God has put in me purpose and whatever He calls me, I am that.

So my question to you is:
What does your name mean?
What are people calling you? What do you call yourself?

Peace and Blessings,

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

I was doing LOVE so wrong

Love is one of my favorite things to do, I love to give love, I loved to receive it, I loved to do it. And then I saw this scripture and realized I was doing it all wrong. I read it over and over thinking yes I am good! I am patient, I am kind, etc... yet I read it again and I really wasn't doing it right. I can be patient sometimes when I know the end is going to be great and I know all about what I will get. Yes, I am kind to those who are kind to me... I ignored those who had done me wrong.

Envy, I slowly crept into an envious state as I got older and was not getting what I wanted but everyone else was... there goes that patience out the window. Love does not boast, I can say this, being honest, I don't boast in public... Sometimes I do think I am better than others and I struggle with that because I do not want to be that way. I cannot stand when people do that and I definitely do not truly think highly of myself. Love does not dishonor others... this I played and twisted it... I did not dishonor yet I did not give honor to whom it was due either. That's that envious spirit creeping in.

It does not keep a record of wrongdoing... this right here is what got me. I remember everything, all the hurt, all the actions, all the facial expressions and when that pops in my head I go down a path and refuse to give my love like I am supposed to. This is my biggest struggle right here in relationships, work places and more. I literally get a scar from that burn weeks ago even so many years ago. Every time I glance at it I feel the pain and put up a block to restrict the love.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. But who's truth... my truth is what I was following. It wasn't too far from the bible but you know how people like to bend the truth to make it fit them? Yes that is what I was doing.

It always PROTECTS, TRUSTS, HOPES, PERSEVERES, that is how I wanted to receive the love but I wasn't giving it. I was selfish and only wanted what others could give me with my distorted view of what love really was.

I am so glad God is not like us because His love never fails.

As I get older and mentally and emotionally prepared to enter this next pivotal time in life (hitting the big 30) I definitely want to start doing life differently and more effectively. I want to do love so much better. I want to be better than my past.

We all can do a little bit better everyday.

Time to start doing this right!

God Bless,
Cicely Renee

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Hemp Seed Oil- Could it change my fibroids naturally?

After an interaction with an older woman at work she told me she had a dream about me and that God spoke to her saying Hemp Seed oil for fibroids. She said she did not know exactly how it works but to google it. I googled these words: "Hemp oil fibroids" and found this video.

I kept on researching and reading comments. So I ran and got some. I have taken it for a month now swallowing 2 tbsp with herbal tea. She used green tea and I read that green tea is not the best for women trying to get pregnant. This is because both green and black tea decrease the body’s ability to absorb folic acid, a very important B-vitamin crucial to a baby’s development in the beginning stages of pregnancy. - See more here.  

I have also found that I really like the hemp seeds and I eat that. I put it in my shakes/smoothies and soy yogurt. 

I have noticed changes in my monthly flow. Because of my fibroids I would be extremely heavy for 3-4 days and 2 light days. Now it has been 2 heavy days and 2 light days. Which is so awesome for me.

I recently went to the doctor May 7 and they did an ultrasound where they measured my firboids. I had five of them ranging from 4.1-5.2 cm which are pretty large. Also, my uterus is enlarged due to the fibroids. They said I am the size of a 15 week pregnant woman. I GET TIRED OF PEOPLE LOOKING AND POINTING :) Its all good though.

So I will keep you posted on the progress of this. 

Sunday, May 11, 2014

A Poem for All Mothers

My favorite animal is an elephant. Something about them drew me to them. I remember in high school and middle school I would find little elephant figurines and my one favorite one was the one that had a baby inside.

I did a little research and found out that mother Elephants are amazing in caring for children. Their pregnancy lasts for 22 months. They deliver one of the largest animals weighing about 250 pounds. When the elephant is born it is completely blind dependent on the mother for everything. Another fact amazed me… Elephants have a great support system. They have many many babysitters. This group of elephants are called “Allmothers” reminds me a bit about our society and how we women have that innate trait to care and help others out. We love to nurture. They protected the child when the mother had to go and eat as much as she could to make milk for the baby.

This poem is for the All mothers…. 
Thank you! 

As a child I looked around and there were so many women around and they all loved me and they all whooped me. This is for all of them… the mother figures in our lives the ones with and without children of their own but loving and caring for them just the same.
These words I speak are filled with gratitude of the multitude of people just like me. We just want to thank you.

All mother, you are the aunties, the ones that never had children of your own. Your embrace was a fun one. You were the one that let us try things that of course our mother would sigh about. You spoiled us, your love was different for us. Thank you

All mothers, you are the woman that stepped into the motherly role when we left home that spiritual mother, when we joined a new church out of state. You are a God send. You were the one that gracefully claimed us as your own. You invite us to family functions and help relieve the sadness of the absence of our real mother. You spoke to us as your own and we respected and loved you for that. Thank you.
All mothers, you are that older sister and the cousin, our first best friend. I told you everything and you told my mother but would forget I was mad at you in an hour and back to the bond that just grew and grew. Thank you.

All mothers, you are that sister friend the one that knew right from wrong and kept it real with us. Your presence we looked up to. The one that made sure we were in line. Your words of wisdom and your actions a woman of integrity and honor. You made us think twice about what we were going to do. Thank you

All mothers, you are the God mother, my mom’s good friend. She spoke highly of you, was in awe of you and knew I would be protected, cared for and loved by you. Gentle and meek your spirit is truly the essence of a proverbs woman. Words spoken out of love. Thank you.

All mothers, you are the Grandmother, the most grand of them all. Mean too very strict. You chastised us when we did wrong. You kept us in place, comforted by your warm embrace. Thank you.

All mothers, you are the adoptive mother and the step mother and the mother in love. An adjustment to get used to and what a journey we have. You accepted me and wanted me enough to play such a strong important role in our lives. Thank you.

All mothers, you are the birth mom who carried this living and growing child. You sacrificed so much for us your children. You went away and worked so hard to feed us. You learned as much as you could along the way. Caring for your child looking in our eyes and seeing a part of you as you held us in your arms. Sweet comforting words soothed our souls. Along with those long conversations that helped shape us. Thank you.

This is for the All mothers the bond only women know of. Blood maybe absent but we feel you just the same as you stepped into the role of caregivers, the nurturers so compassionate and caring.